i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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