it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We are all done wearing pants today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
