I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
