i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
