..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
