Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
