I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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