I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
