Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
