Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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