i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
