im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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