I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
