Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
