i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
