I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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