So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
