last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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