He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
