i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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