when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
