She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's never too late to be topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize