time to smoke my breakfast
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
