I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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