I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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