wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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