So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
