Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize