yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
