i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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