I puked a lego.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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