I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
