we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
