I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
