how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
