If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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