apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
