Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
