The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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