Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
