Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
