You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
