So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My ATM looks so different sober.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
