Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
