In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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