Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this hospital has no fireball
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
