I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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