thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
