please come you make the beer taste better
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
