I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
