She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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