This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have feelings that need drinking.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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