There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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