His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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