did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
