I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
