The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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