I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
