I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
