she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
