I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
