I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
