Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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