Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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