my phone needs a breathalizer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
