Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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