This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize