so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
